Good Company

This week has been one of the most stressful weeks I think I have ever had to endure as far as outside distractions. I would say being interrogated at all is bad news, but from an O-6 and an E-9 is even worse! I am glad that it is over. I was able to meet with the bishop this week to discuss the possibility of receiving a patriartical blessing. I was able to receive a recommend! Woot. I believe that I may have taken more extreme tests in this week alone than I would In a whole year at any University. However, In ending the week with all these stressful events, I found myself at the Monterey Airport to pick up a close friend of mine. Ryan. He decided to come visit me for the weekend, and the timing couldn't have been better.

We ended up eating at Bubba Gump Shrimp Co. Down on Cannery Row. We arrived right when our rain storm was starting to worsen. It was about 530 when we got in line to be seated. First off, we were asked where we would like to sit. Ryan asked for a booth and the person that worked there said there aren't any open. We looked around and there were plenty. The service was overall horrible. We had a server to begin with, that half way through serving us went to work at the bar so he was replaced. We weren't asked any trivia questions, nor were told how the stop/go works. When we finished our meal and were ready to head out, we had to wait an additional 15 minuted for the second server to return to us to ask if we were finished. When we left it was still raining..

After dinner, we had decided to go see a movie. It was a toss up between Green Zone and She Is Way Out Of Your League. We went with the Action! Again, we arrived just in time to find a parking space right next to the theater, which in turn, allowed us to take our seats 10 minutes before the show. Our seats were decent. The movie was excellent. I was very satisfied with the way it was directed and the role that Matt Damon played. I guess I should be researching why we are in Afghanistan and Iraq personally. It is very Interesting.

A Goal, Almost Met.

Today I spoke with my bishop here at the Monterey 2nd Ward. Today i received my recommend for a patriarticle blessing from our stake patriarch. I have waited for this for awhile, and it has been a struggle to finally get to this point in my life. I will call tomorrow to set up a time and date to actually receive this. This personal goal of mine is nearly met.

Sunday

Today a lot of my thoughts have been put at ease. There has been so many moving parts twisting, turning, and winding in my life all at once. I hurt my back last week, this led me to miss part of an exam that was overlooked and not counted against me. Next, leading to a profile forbidding me from physical training at the army standard for three weeks, thus, making me exempt from my final phyisical fitness test here at d.l.i. I have felt a lack of friendship lately, and this has brought me down along with all that has been going on. I have found that even if I don't always have someone to talk to, I want to always be there for others who may feel the same. I am thankful for my family, sometimes it feels as though they aren't there but today I was able to talk to all of them. I was able to attend church today with the Streeters. I have always found them to be good company, Leana made catfish and it was awesome. They introduced me to arrested development. I might have to start watching it, it seems good. Family is a good thing, I never really had family until i became married. My friend Ryan is trying to fly out to Monterey to see me either this weekend or next weekend and my Mom is flying out for my graduation from the french course. I am having my next tattoo drawn up and i should be able to see the outline of it wednesday. It will be a tree expressing all four seasons, to the right of the tree will be a saying "cette vie n'est rien moins de belle" meaning this life is nothing short of beautiful. I am officially in my final week of class, then we are on "Finals" status until graduation. It has been a wonderful sunday. I slept in, finished my laundry, relaxed, attended all of church, spoke with my inlaws and my wife, was invited to the streeters for dinner and got to say goodnight to my little mckenzie. Endurance is the word of the day, many trials will come to pass, many after another at times but enduring until the end we will learn and strengthen our spirits to become closer to god. I will suffer many trials in my life, and i will endure it because I know the outcome if i do.

Darkness

I am so lost. I am wandering. I am looking for a way. I am lost. I dont feel. The answers are lost. I want to be angry, I want to be sad. I feel empty, but that is not an emotion. I don't understand how this came to be. I don't want to. I am scared, I don't want to die. I don't want any part of me to die. I fear some already is, and will be. Everything I am doing, why? Darkness.

Its not easy

It isn't what i want to do nor what i regret to do, It is what I have to do for the sake of living. The choices that I'm not about to make may change the tides forever. The ripple effects could last, and the last thing i need to do is to overcome what is going to pass. I swallow my pride, look up. Today i realize that the challenge is before me, and there isn't a thing to do but to overcome and surpass these obstacles that taunt my every being within myself. I ask of you, patience. I need of you, love. I demand of you, trust. I promise you, my life.

Coincidence

I went into a gas station last week to withdraw some money that I was going to give to a friend to take care of something for me. As i approached the ATM i noticed that a 20 dollar bill was already sticking out. There wasn't a receipt nor anyone near by. The thoughts to return the money to the store had occurred to me as well as asking all the people pumping gas into their car. I decided not to bother and to take the money myself. Later that night I ran into a bum at a grocery store. He was an older, tall, black man with dreads pushing a cart full of whatever seemed to make him happy enough to haul around. With him, he had a dog. I approached him and asked him what he was doing for dinner, if he had any plans. He didn't, I had two fives in my pocket from change from the 20 i found. I gave him the money and told him to get something for his dog also. Later that night, i lost 20 dollars of the money that i withdrew myself. I believe that i was supposed to give the bum the whole 20. Next time I find money, I will attempt to do the right thing. Karma will ALWAYS suffice in the end.

Water Boiling

There are some things in this world that can simply not be prevented. One may plan a pre-emptive strike, or divised, do not run into me alone. Karma will suffice with or without the law. In the end I will have obtained my justice. If i had my way, none of this would have happened. I would have been able to stop the events that occured. I am a personage of justice, or so I find myself today. I believe in what must be corrected, whatever the cost. To me, It matters not who or what you are. It is not significant for wrong doings to be let go in part with family. There are fine, unwritten laws that need to be recognized. I have been let down too many times in life to forgive anymore. It is not required of me to turn a cheek. I can see things for what they are. I am training for the day of confrontation. I will solve this with my own intentions, on my own terms. Sometime freight trains cannot be stopped. I am not an ignorant person, perhaps arrogant and a bit bold at times. I will stick with my feelings and thoughts for the moment. Disappointment and anger lingers inside my soul.

The Storm

There are times in life where one can find them self lost and insecure. At such times, one may become more aware of the surrounding in which they are found in the center . In this case, the truth can be revealed in the most insensitive ways. Words fall from the sky as the anger sweeps through the clouds. Twirling together they become intertwined and the mixture turns into blackness, into a vortex of collision. The air thickens, eyes become widened, ears more open to hear the faintest sound through the fields in the distance. The Bridge that is relied on so dearly starts to buckle. The ties at both ends begin to unwind. Lightning strikes it, sparks fly, the fire is started. Swirling, unbalanced, cruelty is unveiled and the colors start to show. Comprehension fills your mind as you look in disgust. Moments later the safety turns to ash, the embers slowly turn to coals as the winds carry the remains off into the distance. All that is left are the dried tears upon the faces involved and a memory that will be remembered.

Failure To Comply

There are people in this world who I just cannot respect, stand nor trust. I really thought there was the slightest chance that I could possibly enjoy myself this whole trip. As far as the first sentence, Well lets just say that there are members of my wife's family who I absolutely dispise and would rather live without for the remainder. I have watched people take utter advantage of one's who were dear to me, I was taken advantage myself, I have watched the tears of my wife drop in pure sadness and frustration, I have witnessed my daughter scream and cry at at the anger in the air amidst those who are victims of the gasoline. The fire is burning, and I dont believe that this one will go out anytime soon at all. Tomorrow I part for my destination, leaving my girls behind to deal with the aftermath alone. I wish there were more I could do at this point. I am not really a man of letting things go without me saying things but this time my tongue is raw from gnawing and biting on it. There are things that need to change or history will repeat itself within one's own family. This will continue later.